My fav. gift

Memoirs::

I got the best gift of my life years back when I was blessed with a brother! Things have changed, life has moved but still every morning the first thought that bothers me is our memories. For years, I have stayed out of home and every time before going home I felt a definite excitement. But at home, I missed you more often. I have just broken apart. I so want to fulfill all your ambitions but I fear what if I am not able to 'coz I know tears break me down. I think of you often and I miss you. I wish I had never let you go. I wish I could have changed things. I wish I could turn back time...
I sit alone, With only my thoughts, And memories of times past. I sit here sad, Wanting to recapture, Times we’ve had. I sit here crying, Longing to feel your embrace, Your hands, your face. But all of these, I can not have, we're far away. 
Right now, I really miss my friend in you..so much that nothing could be compared to! I have tried not to think of you but failed miserably. I always told you that I am not strong enough to hold on. But even then I am being tested.

Memories still lingers me with questions.
Would it have been justified if I would have not been discourteous about not-showing you my cell phone and could it ‘really’ save you from going away? Was it possible for me to have you right here talking to me, listening to my teen stories!? Can it be done that I would teach you and in the end, learn from you? Could we still plan to run in rain, dance in monsoon games, fight the storms and plan with you. Couldn’t you stay till the end of time? No-on yes no one would ever replace even a single bit that you did…

I fall asleep with tears burning in my eyes, mistake truths for lies.I smile and frown on seeing the photos, wonder what happened to our MOTTO. This winter makes me miss you a little more, for I know there'll be no new years off the shore..My longing is nothing new. And everyday I'm haunted by the fact that I miss you...I miss your smiling face...I miss your warm embrace!I miss being with you...I miss Moms smile when we said 'we love you'! I miss Dad's anxiety on what we would be doing when he came from work. I miss waiting for you...I miss you saying he's not the one for you!I miss the way we used to fight...I miss your look that gave me fright!I miss you every ways...I miss you changing my gray gloomy days!I miss the happiness at home brought by you...I just don't need anything but you...

Why can’t I see you smiling? Why do I have to think? What if my memory gets erased? Would you leave me in that world too?

"I have lost. I have found. I have cried. I have laughed. I have frowned. I have smiled. I have loved. I have lived."

I just don't wanna drive without you, Mowgli. >:D<

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Have faith.

I have been thinking about writing this entry for some time now. But the words do not come easily unless felt. So here they are:

Of the tiny number of years I have lived, I have gathered FAITH. Faith in Love and faith in mankind, faith in people and faith in the life is what I have survived on. I believe in goodness. I know to face the world with an open heart and mind takes courage. And I do not need any kind of self-protection. And if I fail, I know I fail on the emotional grounds. I have learnt the more open you are to the world; the more you are able to give and receive love for there is not enough love shown in the world. It is difficult, but worth even though disappointments and hurts will happen, but amongst this I shall not fail. My heart shall be courageous and shall arise the next morning and try again. After all, hearts heal! Yes, I believe life is a suffering; a beautiful and precious one. I believe that it does not matter what you believe in, as long as you believe in something greater than yourself. Be it love, be it kindness, be it the earth or nature, God or a mate: just Believe! Believing in the words of others, for we were not born with just a mouth to speak ears to listen too. Do not fight! Don’t let words divide you, instead unite and conquer. Conquer hearts! For there are solutions, no matter what the problem is but that needs open hearts and minds and love. Work together! For you understand and learn to respect. Teach someone only if he wants! For you cannot make others receive lessons. Wisdom is precious to only those who know it’s worth – to an ignorant, an ‘A’ is just 3 sticks. Everything is transitory. Don’t hate differences. After all, our differences make us beautiful, and stronger as a whole.

So all I believe is that we need to start right where we are, with ourselves. It is never too late to adapt tp life. Everything is impermanent, change is our constant. So don’t be afraid, embrace the impermanence. I believe in myself, and I believe in you. I believe that we are all lost, and that we can all be found.

I believe in love. Yes, most of all, I believe in love. And I believe I am not alone.

P.S. I do not have all the answers. I do not believe I am better than anyone else but yes, I am not a hypocrite ;-)

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Parents

Mom and Dad,
You were there for me to take me to school
for tying my hair and matching my dress with the shoes..
for my first cycle ride and even handling my woes.
For that and much more, for always being there...
for making me feel strong and showing you care.
For being my protector and setting the rules...
for the rides, the money and the help with school.
For all the times I was stopped in doing things,
I know understand it was for my own good.
I may not have been happy, but I always understood..
that I am lucky to be one of the few.
to have a Dad that pampers me and a Mom that loves me,
to have a Dad that sponsers me and a Mom that is friends with me,
as much as you do. I love you, I really do. :-)

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California

Top *few* reasons to love the place:

` Sun: Oh who doesn't love a day with just the right amount of sun smiling at you. With you favorite sunscreen on, the summer dress you love to flaunt and the drink you have to drink; California is the one state. O yes I do love snow too but not too much. I can live without whites but not yellows. ;-) I wish it was way more greener like the Himalayas.
` Beaches: Oh I so loved the beaches where you could just jump in. Pacific is so peaceful and charming. The breeze just makes the warm and dry air a wannabe. The palm trees besides make the tropicals look much more joyful.
` Light rails: Simply sweet :)
` People: I loved the friendliness there. For a multi-cultured, multi-nationality state it is hard to achieve that but they surly have bunches of good and happy people.
` Architecture: Spanish and Tuscan architecture has something to it. That old and traditional feeling is beauty to eyes and joy to soul.
` Food: I am a total foodaholic. I missed eating Indian and Chinese but my taste buds had best of Thai, Mexican and Italian. There were Japanese places too but I didn't try them.
` Safety: Nothing makes a city ugly as long as it is secure. California is surely safe and secure.

Adios! Hop you get Californied soon. \m/ Enjoyinh Californication :D

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my India my pride..

She lives to be an Indian,
Sees her nation being born, rise and lead…
The tricolor flutters amongst approving winds,
Reminds of the struggle, tears, pain and grief...
Vows new words, a new promise is taken,
Let the people decide and nothing bond her nation…
With new hopes, she wants the new INDIA,
To be certainly better than what it is at it’s best…
‘coz she says, "When the clock would strike the right time,
People would salute this land I call mine!"

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If you judge, investigate.

"It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes."

I hate judging around or being judged!
Because, if you judge people, you have no time to love them.
Because, when you judge someone, you allow others to judge you back.
Because, judgments always prevent us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances.

We can never judge the lives of others until we have lived it. Every individual has his own motive to every action he does and this motive could be entirely different than mine. Paulo Coelho was absolutely right when he said that we can never judge the life of others, because each person knows only their  pain and renunciation. Truly, it's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.
Before every judgement, think, think and again think. There might have been numerous times when you would have failed to judge the content of the "book" by it's cover. It was only 'flipping through the pages' that made difference. What might have looked a deep tunnel could have turned to be an entry to a wonderland.
If you care for someone and justify it as your attitude remember the words, "Care hard and judge soft". I think one should first take care of their own lives. As the bible says, "For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." Even Jesus condemns hypocritical, self-righteous judgments.
Everything that irritates us about others shall lead us to an understanding of ourselves. Do your best, outshine and do not worry about people around. Let them fall stand and walk on their own! Let peace prevail. This world is full of judges, we don’t need any more. But then what do we need? Hearts oozing with love, hands willing to help; mouths praying and eyes caring. Let us be open hearted, warm people who won't (hypocritically) find mistakes in what others do and feel as though everyone else is wrong. Let us not judge someone else for a crime when you yourself are committing a crime that is even worse. Let us be souls with unconditional love without judgement and criticism. Let's have kind hearts, open hands and soft words. Let's dare not look down on anybody, unless we are going to help them up! ;-)

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Be your ownself

Oscar Wilde says, “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” So apt! Of late,  I have been just trying to be myself. And I am failing. At some or the other point, I am unable to be myself. And for me, it's hard. For I believe, the best and easiest way to live is to be yourself. Isn't it true, that faking someone else would need lot of research and time but being yourself comes from within so easy and efficient ;) (s/w ppl talking!)

All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned someone tried to tell me what it was.  I accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory.  I was naïve.  I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer.  It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with:  that I am nobody but myself.
~Ralph Ellison, "Battle Royal"

Seriously why allow someone else to define you. Why not give your own definition. If we were to be someone else, we would have been that. So now what? Last evening, I was struggling to find "why not me be me" and I realized I am drifting away for I am thinking too much. And that's when I realized I am being myself. Just that I am:

"...Trying to keep myself filtered by the filters of truth among the surroundings of lies..."

"...Trying to establish myself as of something on the platform of everything..."

"...Trying to live the life by heart in the competitive worlds of mind..."

"...Trying to accomplish my dreams with best effort as I can and I know will for sure..."

;-)

Remember,

Kuch khaas hai hum sabhi me....
Kuch baat hai hum sabhi me....
Kya swaad hai zindagi mein :-)

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Ordinarily Random

I've been so up and down this week. From being happy and hopeful, to messy and miserable, I don't even know what I'm feeling anymore. All this week I have been thinking how the most ordinary things also have so much to them, so much that you cannot even imagine. Yes, "As ordinary as it all appears, there are times when it is beyond my imagination."
I wonder how we are always influenced. Like I say, being conventional is always wrong. Not only by people around but the angel-devil in ourselves too. I wish I could somehow stop everyone from telling me, "You cannot do it", even myself! Would it not be good to have a fear free, apprehension less life. Is it wrong to create your very own selfish world where you can add-subtract people, food, schools, jobs..well actually everything? But then I feel, it might utterly wrap me in my own egotist world. In this struggle, I as well as all of you tend to look for different paths in life. But, as they say, no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere. We meet people, we learn from them - good or bad? Well that's up to them and us too :) And that is how we achieve. I know that my achievements (an extra stress to the S signifying plural) are quite ordinary. I am not the only woman to have found the fortunes I am proud of but then I am at least one of those who achieved something if not everything. Isn't it more than enough that I have the courage to believe in the existence of answer to every question that arises in my thought territory? And moreover, I could question! But still, there are times I am bewildered by each mile I have traveled, each meal I have eaten, each person I have known and each bed in which I have slept.

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Things happen for a reason

In life, there were times when you got exactly what you wanted but weren't the times when you were denied of wishes much better? Think! Well those were the times when you got things much better than you desired.
Yes! I love the way He smiles at me!
Undoubtedly, Everything happens for a reason and every time the reason is good. Yep! "Whether we comprehend it or not, everything happens for a reason. Sometimes it’s for a larger purpose than just your mind to understand." We may term the reason: luck, wish, hope, fate, destiny, illness, co-incidence, accident, partiality and what not but in the end we know there was a good reason. Even if something was unfair, it gave us courage, strength and willpower. It taught us lessons that otherwise, our soul, body and spirit wouldn't have even faced. The "I" in you is created with every failure, betrayal and downfall. Thus appreciate every moment. Let every breath has a story enclosed in it. Let us all realize that for every moment, good or bad, that has been part of your life, it was meant to be there, in that very order and to serve a purpose of teaching you the lesson and making you what you are. May be that was what you always wanted to be, or may be you deserved to be more than what you desired to be.

Some of the learning bruise came from the road I didn't want to travel.
Some of the best people I have known are the ones I didn't want to meet.

Some of the most magnificent doors I passed were where there was no way.

Some of the wealth I've ever received came from a trifle I wanted to withhold.

Some of the hope has saved everything when I wanted most to give up in despair.

Some of the most painful tears because of the vision to look beyond turned to happiness.

Some of the wonderful wisdom I gained came from people who looked poor, old and messed.

Some of the dearest moments I could spend are with people I never told how important they are.

Some of the right-on-targets were achieved because they started just when the time of deadline arrived.

And, some of the prove-me-wrong posts came just when I thought it's not my cup of tea, it's time I shall quit!

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Of Kasab

With the court verdict on Kasab's death penalty follows long discussion. Fair or not, I feel:

` India just saved itself of another hijack and kidnap case. Remember IC-814 Kandahar? Or Kidnapping of Rubaiya Sayeed?
` Mr. Tahilyani, thank you for covering the loop hole.
` Is death immoral? Question this if you are not talking of someone who 'by-mistake' kills 166 people.
` "He’s just 21. He was taught the wrong lesson". We don’t need no education and do your wrong-experiments in your country. We have better things to research upon.
` "Are we blindly saying what media wants us to say?" Well, we’re adults who take responsibility of our actions unlike Kasab. We are allowed to drink, drive, elect and marry - some of the most responsible deeds in the most populous democracy.
` It's sad we are not considering his mother but what about the families who suffered and want him hanged. Sources.
` Yes! I agree we are doing what people like Lakhvi and Saeed always wanted. But when they train the young minds, they tell them the consequence is death and these "young-innocent" (pure sarcasm involved) get prepared for they know their "jehad" would make them a God, a martyr. We're not doing any injustice, just making his way to glory soon. Hope it becomes real soon.
` "Is it the religion?" A terrorist follows the religion of terrorism and belongs to not-just-one country. It is because of such potholes, every Indian lives with the fear of being a suspect for no fault of theirs.
` What could be worse than thinking twice before going to the best hotel-chain of the country or may be, every breaking news makes you feel, is it another terror attack. Isn't it terrifying that you think twice before boarding a plane of the most friendliest airlines fearing hijacks or that you do not prefer trains anymore. And not to forget, Parliament is no longer considered secure.

And thank you, for keeping proof of nationality with you so world doesn't feel we created you for fun.

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Things that make me happy

Things that make me :-)
(no order, no preference)

`Hugs
`Kids'
`Gifts
`Smiling
`Shopping
`Good food
`Old photographs
`Nature at its best
`Recalling old days
`That one phone call
`Cooking for someone
`Talking of childhood
`Rains (any day any season)
`Those tiny li'l cute fights
`Being with people I care for
`Finding money in old clothes
`Those three words (purely magical)
`Being at home in my fav. set of clothes
`Waking up to find that you still have time to sleep
`Waiting for that one call or time one meeting moment
`Listening that one song which has like tons of memories to it
`Seeing that one tee that doesn't fir you any more and then realizing it does after tryin it
AND
`Being the girl I am!

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Human

Uncertainty is inevitable, but worrying is optional..
Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional..

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World of her own

She survives in a world of her own, so small yet content. All she knows of is that her day begins with hopes to see him and all her happy days end with glimpse of him. She feels elated whenever he leaves at same time she does and they go out together, board the same bus, sit beside each other and converse. Those little pieces of words that come out of his mouth feed her ears all the symphonies. Seeing him smiling at her makes her eyes foretaste heaven. Her heart takes an extra beat whenever he passes by. But her mind wanders, questions and mystifies her.
She waits for the day when he can gaze along with her at that ecstasy, can hear that melody and say what she want him to feel…

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Signs that you're not over your X

We all have been here! You-meet, text, re-connect, friends, best-friends, hook-up, fall-in-love, dream, break-up, revenge, live-planning-plotting, still-continuing…. Well yes! You’re yet not over your ex. And the 5 vital signs are:

Sign 1: You check his Orkut/Facebook every time you log on: You cannot delete him of the list because of the same reason.

Sign 2: You re-read your conversations: Every text/mail/wallpost/scrap is right there to be re-read and make you feel worse. You simply forget the ‘delete’ option.

Sign 3: You link up just to let him know: You try to jealous him by putting fancy status updates, cute duo-pics and converse with all his “worst” friends! That’s revenge by now, not love J

Sign 4: Every incident is what you have lived with him before: Be it the song or a too-lurvy-durvy story, you got to associate it with him, after all he is He.

Sign 5: You still sleep in that tee: yea! Of course ‘cause you could never find a more comfortable tee than those.

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IG - Chicago

Sometimes the place is beautiful...
but mostly, people are...

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Menu of Lyf

Hel-lo!
This is definitely NOT the life I ordered.

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On way

I always know where I'm going, why I'm going and how. I know what I will be doing, what the other person would be thinking. That's how I like it and that's how it should be.

I wish I knew about you too. I don't wish to draw the blank I am drawing.

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Belonging to yourself

Certain people are like that, I guess.

They’re together no matter where they are.

They solely belong to themselves.

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About the blog

I have been blogging from the time I was immature enough to think ‘I could fly if I find a cliff high enough..” I really appreciate the way some of you guys read no-matter-what-crap I wrote, commented and encouraged me. *wonder* what did people wanted? People came, left – but I met some of the most b’ful bloggers. Made friends, sibling..got a family, met few – loved some :P
Looking back, makes me happy that there were handful who could read what happens in my day-to-day life and still stay interested. Well, or at least, hang in there until the end of the entry.
This time, I am putting up some things I click with words because I've learnt that pictures give you better memory. I always was a writer.

I'm someone who lives a pretty normal life where writing is means to attain sanity. I enjoy rambling and blabbering about nothing in particular, and I love that I can just fill in this space with whatever stuffs I'd like to talk about. I click very badly so in that case I will be using my fav. photostream.

Well, I guess that's all. Hope you all have a nice Sunday. Adios! :)

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