July 16, 2011

Mixed Emotions

There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won’t anymore, and who always will. So don’t worry about people from your past, there’s a reason they didn’t make it to your future!
It’s inevitable, though but you don’t want to go. You want to be done with last moments; last smile, last laughs, last hugs, last kisses but not the last good-byes. That's when you realize that a good bye never had anything good in it. But somewhere inside you, you tell yourself that I have to move on, even though you do not want to. You don’t care what people say - good or bad. You don’t know what it’s going to be like, and you fear the unknown, so you’d rather just stay where you are and with whom you are. You call up everyone but no one makes you feel that sweet pain. The pain you feel of being hanged upon by calling just one person. At this point you feel like you’ve got it all figured out and it's not that being a change. Even if you don’t move on, everyone else will. And you hate it. You don’t want to meet new people because you’ve met all the people you want to: they know you, you don’t have to prove to them that you are cool, because they know you’re not and they love you anyway. What would make these people like you? They don’t understand you, haven’t been around you for so many years, and even if they get to liking you it will take more time than you’re willing to wait for. So maybe you sit in your room for a while. Every once in a while you feel obligated to go out and meet people but it never quite turns out the way you want it to and is pocked by intermittent awkward pauses. You aren’t social or fun like all your neighbors who are going out to party. You let things go. You have to. No one can keep it up for forever. And that’s when you discover that people really will like you for your boring, run-of-the-mill self. You realize that there are a lot of places to go, people to meet, food to eat, walls to cover in posters and fliers and ticket stubs. You stop sleeping, stop studying. You are having too much fun. You remember what it was like for things to not be so dramatic, and you are at the same time unprepared and itching to go back to where everything seems just a little bigger. And suddenly, some day the word LOVE hits you. *mixed emotions* That's exactly how you feel when you realize that you've just not moved on, no matter what you say...You look at the people in your past and realize that you wouldn’t trade them for anything, that when you were with them you thought you’d never be close to anyone again, and now you have people who you would do anything for, who maybe you even love but then the past one's are THE ONE'S YOU STILL LOVE! ;-)

3 comments:

Jack July 19, 2011 at 11:16 AM  

Sach,

Life moves on. If one tries to cling to past, one is pained as others move on due to their own needs. Some remain in touch, some are lost, some come back again and renew threads. Best is to be your normal self, be nice but not a door mat, respond warmly, be helpful within your means, do not hold grudges and follow your conscience.

Take care

PS : Left comments on previous 3 posts too as I caught up with all pending ones.

Blossom August 10, 2011 at 7:37 AM  

Heyy, I never knew you wrote so well..so beautifully expressed not just yours, but almost every other person's feelings :)

TC

Sach! August 14, 2011 at 3:39 PM  

@Uncle Jack: Hello :)
It is hard to move on. We know that. I will be strong. Thats all I can promise :)

@Blossom: Umm I know I write. Didn't you?

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This work by Sachi Mahajan is licensed.